there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
