dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Randomize
