did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
