Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
