im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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