Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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