Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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