No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
