How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
