There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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