my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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