I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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