I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm like, not good at living.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
