can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
