i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
