how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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