Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Small penises have feelings too.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
