Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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