we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
