blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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