it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
