Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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