can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
