I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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