oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
