If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
