Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
