How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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