Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
