How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
