Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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