Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
