I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think a kid would responsible me up
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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