Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We left the knife in your bed.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I need water and some morals
Randomize
