"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
