You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dignity is for republicans.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
