We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
