She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
