i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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