So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need to calm my uterus...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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