I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
someone owes me an orgasm
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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