drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
did you just send me my own nude
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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