I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize