Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
