'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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