I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
