I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
