I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
