My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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