I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
