I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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