I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
