Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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