It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
