I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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