he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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