I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
