there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
