One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
