I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
