youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
