hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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