his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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