I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
