If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
