I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
