Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
