I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
